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Can We Take a Break From Life


A burning match sitting on a ledge in a dark environment with the test "Can we take a break from this life" next to it
Image by Sebastian Sørensen on Pexels, edited by Emmaline Swallow with Canva

Can we take a break from life?

Press pause on this pain

Take this VHS of sorrow out from the video player

Why is this the movie of our life?


Can we be allowed to catch our breath?

Scrunch up this whole badly-written script

and fling it into the lake of fire

where all the abominable things remain


Can we change the course of the story?

My child is not playing this role, NO

I refuse to give you consent —  

— WE REFUSE

Take her out of this pain


Cast me instead


Who’s in charge of this anyway

God? Devil? Who’s hiding behind this accursed thing we call Life?

Are we living in an alternate universe where what we really are

are just some wretched toy dolls

unwittingly being played and manipulated by some unknown higher-force beings?


“Oh today I’m gonna make my dolls broken. I’m gonna make them cry. This should be fun!” Said the masochistic puppeteers.


Just another day in a child’s play


Give me the Red Pill I demand

Let me meet this Wizard Behind the Curtain

Let me strike the hornet’s nest

I will smash his everything, starting with the violin

he plays for our miserable theme song

And the voice he put in my daughter’s head

.

.

.

.

But whatever I thought

my sheer fury

is not enough of a bullet

to burn a hole through this suffocating reality that traps us

Even if I’m on fire


I remain a helpless mother lying in bed at 3 a.m.

turning away from her husband

so he doesn’t see this fire is crying

a thousand rivers of molten lava in the dark

searching endlessly on my cellphone

hoping to find something — anything

to crack the code

to save my daughter

who’s trapped in her own mind


Engulfing and burning myself in the fire in the process

In a haunting unending time loop


As if we are but a phoenix

That fails to be reborn


 

This poem was originally published with Grief Book Club on Medium, where we share and write about our grief in life.

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